On An Average Day.

For someone struggling with an ED, an average day is just plain exhausting. Yes, exhausting would be a very accurate word to describe it. Picture having, from the very moment you open your eyes in the morning until you close them at night (and even after that until you fall asleep) a constant voice in your mind overpowering all of your other thoughts tearing you down and ordering you to follow his strict rules. Everything is mapped out according to ED's plan. If you even think about disobeying his orders, he will berate you and make you feel like scum. He is constantly whispering in your ear even when you try to forget about him for a moment. He'll be there at the most inconvenient times, like when you're doing a presentation or taking a test at school. He'll be reminding you of what you ate and what you should therefore feel guilty about or telling you how much you need to restrict and/or exercise later. He'll be reminding you of any parts of your body he thinks are too "big" and that need to get smaller.

For someone struggling with an ED, they are there but they are not really there. You may be having a conversation with them and they may appear to be able to hold up the conversation, but all the while their minds are a record player with ED's voice and the ED thoughts. They are very smart people. But their mind is consumed by ED. They may have a vacant look in their eyes, as though they're gazing at something far away. At these times, ED is most certainly talking to them, voicing his thoughts and opinions loud and clear. It's frustrating and it's tragic but you're not even thinking about that because you are just at ED's disposal and you aren't even thinking for yourself anymore. Your thoughts have been replaced by his. You've lost yourself.

For someone struggling with an ED, they'll go to great lengths to hide their disorder from the world. Under sweatpants and baggy clothes they'll starve yet outwardly act as though they are "okay." They don't necessarily want to be helped because ED's telling them that if they stop listening to him that they will be failures. They think they're playing it safe by listening to ED because he makes them feel that they are winning if they are listening to him. Yet another irony of ED's. They are at great risk if they are listening to ED, but they think they are safe. They are manipulated to think they are safe. For someone struggling with an ED, they become the ED and the ED becomes them. That's an average day.

ED.